New Year Resolution Jokes

When it comes to New Year resolution, everyone makes it and every does not care much before breaking it. This gives birth to a huge scope for New Year resolution jokes.

The New Year resolution jokes are funny and intriguing. You can find a number of good New Year resolution jokes online. Some best New Year resolution jokes are mentioned below:

New Year resolution joke on family priority:

“Families are complicated enough, but things became even more confusing after my father decided to get married to my brother’s mother-in-law. “Now I can’t make up my mind whether he’s my dad or my father-in- law,” says my brother, “or if my mother-in-law is now my stepmother, or whether my child is my daughter or my niece.”

New Year resolution jokes on quitting smoking:

“I discussed peer pressure and cigarettes with my 12-year-old daughter. Having struggled for years to quit, I described how I had started smoking to ‘be cool.’”

“As I outlined the arguments kids might make to tempt her to try it, she stopped me mid-lecture, saying, “Hey, I’ll just tell them my mom smokes. How cool can it be?”

“The teacher in our Bible class asked a woman to read from the Book of Numbers about the Israelites wandering in the desert. “The Lord heard you when you wailed, ‘If only we had meat to eat!’ ” she began. “Now the Lord will give you meat. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, or ten or twenty days, but for a month—until you loathe it.”

New Year resolution joke on obesity:

“When the woman finished, she paused, looked up, and said, “Hey, isn’t that the Atkins diet?”

Funny New Year resolution jokes:

1.)2016: I will go to church every Sunday.
2017: I will go to church as often as possible.
2018: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
2019: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.

2.)2013: I will get my weight down below 180.
2014: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
2015: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.
2016: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
2017: I will work out 5 days a week.
2018: I will work out 3 days a week.
2019: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

“He looked at me like I was crazy. “It’s wine,” he said, pronouncing his words carefully, “Sauvignon blanc.”

New Year resolution jokes on quitting drinking:

“I was waiting tables in a noisy lobster restaurant in Maine when a vacationing Southerner stumped me with a drink order. I approached the bartender. “Have you ever heard of a drink called ‘Seven Young Blondes’?” I asked. He admitted he’d never heard of it, and grabbed a drink guidebook to look it up. Unable to find the recipe, he then asked me to go back and tell the patron that he’d be happy to make the drink if he could list the ingredients for him. “Sir,” I asked the customer, “can you tell me what’s in that drink?”